Clarity

In May 2005 I had a missed miscarriage (yes, that’s possible!) somewhere around the eighth week of my first pregnancy. Not really that big of a deal (except for the ‘missed’ part). By that I mean, very common. But it’s what followed that became the ‘deal’. I had a D&C (normal in my situation). My body didn’t return to normal. After much testing, prodding, poking & well, enough of that…I was sent to a specialist/surgeon in the Atlanta area for a hysteroscopy and laparoscopy. Upon my initial visit and consult, he agreed with my OB/GYN that I probably had *Asherman’s Syndrome and with surgery he could probably restore it to normalcy.
(*The uterine lining, endometrium, can be traumatized, typically after a D&C and then develop scars which can obliterate the cavity to a varying degree. In the extreme, the whole cavity has been scarred and occluded and the patient becomes infertile.)

In late Dec. 2005 I had the surgery. The surgeon called & consulted his colleagues, stopped the surgery, and went out in the lobby to talk to Brad.

“She’s going to have trouble.” Were his first words. You can imagine my husband sitting there, wondering what kind of trouble. This was supposed to be a fairly easy procedure. And then there were the words that would ring in our years for months to come (& we would get the pleasure of reading several times throughout the surgeon’s report).

“Her uterus has been obliterated.”

I woke up to see my surgeon’s heavy face. I begged to know what was wrong but was assured that he would call me at home tomorrow and discuss everything. Fighting nausea & grogginess, I remember struggling to sit up and demanded to know what was wrong.
“Mrs. Ellis, your uterus has been obliterated.”

Now, if I had been more alert, I truly believe I would have said, ‘what a minute…when I came in here, I had a uterus. If it’s obliterated, then where did it go & what did you do with it?’

I met with the surgeon two weeks post-op. As if his conversations with me hadn’t penetrated, he got out a small piece of paper, drew a uterus on it then took a black pen and scribbled it all in, stating ‘this is what your uterus looks like.’
Now, to show him some mercy here, I do recognize that his agenda was not to heal me per se, but to offer me his company’s services - fertility assistance. More specifically, a surrogate mother. We had made it extremely clear from the beginning that we were not interested in pursuing that route but appreciated his concern. We did not seek his specialty for fertility, but rather, to make me ‘whole’ & healthy again. (And make sure that I remained in good health, despite pregnancy.)

He slid the blackened-in drawing across the desk to me. And I said that I understood, appreciated his attempt to help me with surgery and thanked him. The tone changed.

He through his pen down on his desk, and exasperated asked, ‘I don’t get it. What is so different about you and your husband?’

Friends, there are few moments in life when one can honestly recognize a TRUE moment of clarity. So THIS is why this happened to me! Jesus wants this surgeon’s heart (& his family’s heart) so much that He used a petite, 30-something year old with Asherman’s Syndrome to let him know that His Heavenly Father was dying for him to know how much he loved him!

For approximately 20 minutes Dr. surgeon and I talked. The conversation started with me responding with ‘I’m so glad you asked!’ And he let me talk, uninterrupted, about God, His Son Jesus, the ‘bigness’ of our God, His power to give and take away, how He died to have a relationship with us, & just how crazy He is about him and his family. He let me ask him several personal & Faith questions, answering with chapters of his own story of battling with even going into this profession back in college knowing that his upbringing and Faith (Catholicism) wouldn’t agree. He was honest. He didn’t seem to have a relationship with God the way I described & he hadn’t been to church in years. (Although I did point out the significant role church could play in his and his families life, I did make the more important point that more than that, his Creator is dying for a relationship with him, whether active in a church or not.)

The conversation drew to a close as I thanked him again for trying to help me but explained to him that ‘although you’re a very smart, well-educated man who has been used to help a lot of women, there is one thing you will never be able to do & that only our God can do….create life. No matter if I, or any woman that comes through your office, gets pregnant it’s not up to you. You do not have that power. There is only one – our God, our Creator. The only one who can give life.’ He shook my hand (& I think shook his head a little, as I was obviously not going to take his advice & get a surrogate mother.) But I feel we departed on good terms.

A few weeks later I got his report on my case. His report is very clear as it resonates his words ‘obliterated uterus’. The final paragraph concludes with ‘offering Brad & Sharon other fertility options, they denied these options for religious reasons.’ If he had said, ‘because of their belief and relationship with the Creator and giver of all life, God & His Son Jesus’ I might feel more at peace about his understanding of our conversation.